Who needs sleep . . .?

This is a long explanation of why I wanted to decorate a wall. :) Just skip to the pictures if you want. But, I warn you, you'll always wonder exactly what I wrote up here . . . always! But, it is your decision- yours alone- to live with for the rest of your entire life. :)

I have always wanted boys. I have always dreamed of playing football, baseball, and soccer with them in the yard; always dreamed of teaching them to be little gentlemen, combing their hair all handsome for church in their cute little suits; keeping bugs in jars, making mud pies, tickling and playing. I imagined my future (who is now my current and forever, of course) devastatingly handsome, buff, dark-haired, light-eyed (green or blue, I wasn't too picky there) hubby playing catch with my boys in the backyard. Of course, I also imagined reading to and cuddling with my kids (whether they were girls or boys), walking the halls late at night, comforting a sweet little baby. Which bring me to my topic- sleep, or the lack thereof.

Since realizing my dream of becoming a mommy, I , like every mom, have become, at times, a sleep-deprived, barely-functioning zombie. There have been those days where I sit down on the couch, and the next thing I know, my head is back on the cushion, I'm holding a sleeping little guy in my arms, I'm also dead asleep, and the rest of the kids are . . . somewhere. And, there are those mornings that I wake up with a headache from getting a whopping two hours of interrupted sleep and I cry when Gary has to leave for work.

Andrew, our oldest, was in the NICU for ten days after he was born. I had to ask to hold him, and often the answer was an unsympathetic, "No." I had to sit there and watch him cry, unable to hold him because a nurse wasn't there to help me figure out all the tubes and lines, or he just had to stay under the lights or be monitored. I vowed that once we got him home, I'd never put him down. Oh sure, I was fine sleeping with him on my chest for the first, oh, six months. But after that, the lack of real sleep was, shall we say, evident- for him and me. At six months, we finally set up the crib and began the lovely task of teaching him to sleep without being held, and to fall asleep without being fed. I honestly didn't mind getting up every hour or two night after night. I figured he must need me, and it was worth the sacrifice. Also, we lived in apartments with very thin walls (trust me) and I was so worried about waking the neighbors. Let's just say, I really wish they showed us the same courtesy. Oh well, I will not elaborate. You're welcome.

Anyway, long story kind of short, we moved into another apartment when Andrew was about a year, and I decided I really missed sleep (I used to be extraordinarily good at it) and I was worried I was teaching him that he was the boss and not us, and we wondered when that would stop- pretty much never, if we didn't stop it. He is now a great sleeper, as are the rest, but not without our experiencing frustration, uncertainty, and unfathomable fatigue. I admit I am not the best at teaching kids to sleep, but I eventually figure it out with each one, and when that happens, it is magical. At one year old, Ben would go to bed at 5:30 pm and wake up at 7:00 am and take two solid naps in the day. Nice!

I am so happy to report that Spencer is one of those "sleeps through the night at three months" kind of kids. Under the circumstances, he just had to be. He is also my only bottle-fed baby, but I'll just pretend that that has nothing to do with it. :) Oh sure, for the first two months, he'd wake up for two hours every night ,from either 1-3 or 3-5. But, (un)fortunately, I was still too weak to wake up with him, so Gary and my mom got that special "bonding" time with Spencer. :) These days, Gary and/or I are still up with one or more kids almost every night for one reason or another- changing sheets, cleaning up throw-up, comforting someone who knows there is a monster inside the smoke detector, or someone just needs to tell us what they want to be for Halloween.

During those times, a saying that I read on a baby shower card I got for my sister-in-law goes through my mind: "Who needs sleep when all your dreams have already some true?" There was a newborn baby sleeping on the cover. Yeah, it made me cry at the store, but I, too, was pregnant at the time. The answer to the question, of course, is a resounding and passionate, "ME!" But, when sleep just isn't and option, this thought has helped me. I was so inspired, I decided to put it up in the baby room, as a little "pep talk" of sorts on those long nights.

My set-up. I typed what I wanted on the laptop, hooked it up to Gary's projector that he "didn't" borrow from school and projected it up on the wall above my "dreams." (Thank goodness for those million-page literature books and my book about the making of "It's a Wonderful Life"- how appropriate! :) And that little outfit plays the very important role of keeping the projector level on that one stubborn side.

This has been a very therapeutic project over the last few weeks. I could have done vinyl lettering, but it would have cost a lot (I did the whole wall for about $5- including the four $1 frames for Ikea), and I just wanted, and needed, to do it myself.

I don't know yet if we'll get another "dream." People ask me all the time if we'll have another one, especially considering all that's happened. We just don't know- I'll keep that explanation short. :) I just know we'd gladly add to the wall. For now, we can honestly, enthusiastically, and sincerely say our dreams have come true and we are so grateful for them. And when they need us, we're here, day or night.