Spoiler alert: I am pretty much going to talk about the whole abomination of a movie that is Avatar.
Well, as you may have guessed, I am not Avatar's biggest fan. I will attempt to describe my beef with the movie, but I'm not a very good arguer. If something upsets me and gets my dander up, I usually just cry and stomp my foot and what proceeds out of my mouth is pure gibberish. But, I am passionate about this and so I must proceed with the gibberish.
Beef #1
I, as an American human, am so unbelievably and indescribably tired of movies made by American humans that try to make me hate American humans.
Beef #2 (related to beef #1)
This movie is about many worlds interacting with many other worlds in the future. We, the Americans, and specifically, the American military, are the bad guys. The big, bad white military guys. There are no other countries from our planet or any other aliens trying to destroy any and all beauty left in the universe. Just us. And all in the name of capitalism. Capitalism!!! *gasp* Yeah, capitalism is a very bad word and the way they portray it in Avatar, it is very bad.
We will kill the big, tall, pure blue people and their "innocent babies and children" and destroy their sacred "tree of souls" and we want to do it all quickly so we can "get back in time for lunch." The white military guys are murderous, and callous, and vicious. Infamous you might say, and I don't mean "more than famous." We're so bad, it's stupid and unbelievable. And don't tell me it's believable because it's true, because I will get really mad at you.
I am so sad that James Cameron tried to make me hate Americans. Guess what, you're one too, James. I really don't get it. No matter how bad the "bad" Americans were portrayed, it went against everything in me to root against them. Why are they trying to make me do that?! Why do I want to watch an American (who I'm guessing was actually British and couldn't do an American accent for beans) teach aliens how to kill Americans? And then cheer when the Americans die, no matter how stupidly, ridiculously bad they are portrayed? Why do they want me to hate the people who, in our world today, are here to protect us? Oh yeah, because they were really mean to the blue people in some fake movie. Yeah, I'm not going for it. Good try. Very good, expensive, multi-million dollar try. I refuse to root against the "bad" guy because it would just validate their opinion. Forgive me if I can't shout, "Die, Americans! Die!" when they actually are. Infuriating.
Beef #3 (related to qualms 1 and 2)
This movie ran with the belief that Americans are the worst beings in the universe. We have "already destroyed our Mother" and have "killed everything that is green" in our world when this movie takes place. So, we go and take everybody else's green, no matter how sacred it is to them. Stupid. Excuse me, but I recycle.
Now, let's go to another intergalactic story, long ago in a galaxy far, far away. In this case I am specifically referring to Return of the Jedi. I sound like such a nerd. Anyway, we have Darth Vader, the most evil guy ever, who tries to kill his son, and even worse than death, tries to make him join the Dark Side. Even after all of this, Luke tells Darth, "I feel the good in you." What ever happened to seeing the good in people? And I don't mean blue "people", I mean, human people who do good things, and in many cases, are American too? When did it turn bad to believe that we are good?
Beef #4
I totally wasted three perfectly good hours of my 30th birthday.
Beef #5
I hate that if I say, "I hate Avatar," it means, "I hate trees." I love trees!
Beef #6
After I tried unsuccessfully to go to sleep during the movie to escape my fury, I let my mind wander (probably while they were getting all nasty by their sacred tree) and I realized something. We used to fight Nazis and terrorists and other bad guys and it was ok. Next, we turned to apathy and didn't care about anything and didn't know what was going on. Now, we've turned away from apathy and have gotten all worked up and are fighting again, only we're on the wrong side. We're fighting against ourselves. And, in the case of this movie, encouraging others to fight against us. What the crapatar is that?
Beef #7
I just didn't care. I don't know any blue people. They're fake! Why am I supposed to love them and root for them? Oh sure, I can get all into silly stories about magic kids and vampires and things. I have an imagination. But when loving the blue people means hating who the movie guys wanted me to hate- the very people who protect us - it totally backfired, and I just ended up hating the movie-makers.
Beef #8
The main blue girl's screaming really, really got on my nerves.
Beef #9
Sigourney Weaver.
Beef #10
Tails and naked bums everywhere.
So, now that I've made myself look like a total spazz and that I take everything too seriously, let me just say that I love movies. I love to laugh and cry and be entertained, when the purpose of the movie is to entertain me. And, if it wants to teach me a moral or uplift me, I'm all about it. Even if it wants me to open my eyes and see things in a way I haven't before, awesome. But, if it's borderline propaganda, I'm gonna make a stink about it. But, I have a feeling some of you may now have some "beef" with me. :)
Well, to end my confusing gibberish in a very Capraesque fashion, let me just say that I love American humans. I feel the good in you.
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Ben: Mom, do tornadoes ever get dizzy?
The boys were helping me bring in groceries one day and one of the plastic bags had a hole in it and then one of the handles broke off of it. I asked Andrew to throw it away and he looked at the bag and very seriously said, "This bag has been passed on for generations!"
I gave Ryan a big hug one day and he said, "Don't squeeze my tummy too tight. It gives me asthma."
Ben: "Mom, you're funny. You tricked me lots of times tomorrow."
One day Spencer was dipping a cookie in milk and he said, "The cookie is swimming in a milk. It needs swimming suit."
Spencer: "Cari! Cari! Cari!" (Pronounced Kiwi)
Cari: Yes?
Spencer: "Cari, are you Kiffy?"
Whenever I see Ben doing the potty dance like crazy all over the room and I tell him to go to the bathroom, he says, "I don't have to go, that's how I exercise."
Ben got in the bath and said, "It is seriously (surrussly) wet in here!"
Andrew: I just wrote an eight in cursive!!
Ben: We don't have any blood in us, just cereal.
Ryan was so excited to eat something he hadn't eaten in "1,000 years" and Andrew said, "1,000 years? You weren't even born 1,000 years ago and Mom was only, like, 2!"
Ben didn't want to get dressed again after going to the bathroom, so he headed for the door (naked) and announced, "I'm going to take a bath in the raindrops!"
Andrew: How do they make square paper out of circle trees?
Ryan calls the fly swatter That Bug Snapper. (I always called it the flice water.)
Ryan: "Mom, you are so good at making toast!"
The other day, Andrew and Ryan were playing a little too rough. Ryan got hit in the head with a light saber and started to cry. Andrew comforted Ryan by reassuring him that he was only "crying for joy."
According to Ryan, Chewbacca on Star Wars is, "The Fluffy Guy."
Every morning after I take a shower, Ben asks me to draw pumpkins of various sizes on the mirror. Why pumpkins? I have no idea.
In his prayers the other night Ryan said, "And help me not to learn about Satan, 'cause I just don't like him."
Andrew and I were watching a show about volcanoes. He said, "Ya know what lava is?" I said,"What?" (because it sounded like he already had an answer) He said, "It's a giant's big ol' cup o' juice."
Ryan: "Mom, if we have another baby, can we name him or her Freckles?"
Mom: "Why that name?"
Ryan: "Because I just think it's a nice name."
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8 comments:
I LOVE THIS! I could not have said any of it better. I have just been laughing out loud! "WHAT THE CRAPATAR IS THAT?" Sooo awesome. And I love just plain old Beef #9 - Sigourney Weaver. AWESOME! I knew I was in for it when she entered the scene being all KICK A** and ugly. :) If people have a beef with you, they also have the same exact beef with me, Sista'!!!
That would bug me too. It annoyed me that they were advertising it through McDonalds' Happy Meal toys. It totally doesn't look like a kids movie!
Well I won't see the movie, so that should cancel out your seeing it. Maybe James Cameron will wonder why one person didn't see his movie and he will ponder his wrong ways and come to repentance to the American military.
I am just soooo tired of movies telling me I am stupid.
I liked the movie and the effects and hated the agenda.
Are most moviegoers so pathetic that they enjoy the insults, patronizing and constant askance of the movie? If I ever meet James Cameron I am going to spend three hours assuring him that he is stupid and his world-view is crap.
I ♥ your post. You crack me up, and hit on all the points that I also thought were stupid. I could see it all laid out before me once it started - very predictable.
I must have dozed off though, cause I don't remember them 'getting all nasty by their sacred tree.' However, I'm not going to watch it again just to catch that part :) hehe!
Dear Jessi -
I am Cari's friend from work, and hope that gives me the qualities necessary to comment on your blog that she tells me to read. (Strong intro)
I do have to agree. A lot. With everything. I do have one thing to add. Did it disturb you at all that the main guy feels like he was "born to be something else"? Do I sense some agenda stink coming off of that? Isn't he going to wake up one day like, "Oh crap. I'm kinda stuck as this big, blue, woodland creature and there is no going back since we dumped my old body."
In short, you nailed it. Other than boggling my mind with its 3d effects and...well, pretty much just that I felt like I was watching Fern Gully + Pocahontas + Space. And not in a good way. I love me some Fern Gully.
Much love!
John Wesley
Jessi - once again you made me laugh!
I saw the movie. Originally my expectations were very low and in fact I was not planning on going to see it at all. But, because so many people said it was good, I went.
I thought it was that I had then increased my expectations that I was disappointed. But after reading your blog, I realize it was, what it was. Confusion! Trying to put a political agenda into an entertainment forum.
I agree, if it was purely entertainment and no reality, (i go for that kind of escape) then maybe it had some value with special effects, etc. But, when it had SOOOOO many real current agenda items, I remember thinking (in between my periodic naps) "are they saying . . . . ?" I could not even really enjoy the weird entertaining blue part of it because of what they were trying to say.
Isn't that hollywood though? Or maybe we are just
getting older and wiser?
Either way, thanks for voicing your thoughts.
Well said!
Love ya,
Here's a list opf beef I found and I will display only a few to add to Jessi's point...
#55: Who has time to thank the animals they're hunting, anyway? That's not realistic because the cougar will scratch your face off if it still is the least bit alive. Just say a prayer of thanks before you eat it at the dinner table and call it good.
#146: Just dig holes under the dang trees, get your soil and then replace with the other soil you don't want. The tree will still be there, hippies. They can transport humans into alien bodies but they can't come up with anything better than a bulldozer? That's your whole problem right there. Priorities!
#32: I think I would be more for the blue people if they weren't blue. Why did they have to be blue? That pigmentation is not realistic. Especially if you're absorbing the light from the same sun that Earth is. And, if they're not sharing the same sun, Panet Earth People did a dang good job traveling outside of their own galaxy. But why only bulldozers?
Note: Let's see if I can make a Frank Capra style movie to tell everyone that the soldiers who fight for our freedom are heroes. I think I would mysteriously disappear and the media would proclaim it cause by "H1N1 Global Warming" or something. Maybe.
Jessi, you're so funny! While my "beef" with the movie is not as strong as yours, I still agree with you. I loved the visual affects but I DO NOT like Hollywood (of all people!) telling me how I should think, act and be! That's all I'll say about that. However, your money and time would have been better spent on Sherlock Holmes, awesome movie - no propaganda! If you like action, good acting and a great soundtrack then this is a MUST see! Just don't hate me if you don't like it.
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