It's Not a Tuma, it's a...

Gary was helping me clean up the kitchen last night, which involved cleaning up the birthday supplies box. He found an unwrapped #1 birthday candle. He said, "Hey!! It's good we're having another baby!"

Phew!! I would hate to have to throw that 30 cent candle away!!

So, yes, we're having another baby!!! Waste not, want not! :) In case you've lost count like I have, that's five kids. FIVE!!! I know!! And we're SO excited, and maybe a little bit crazy. After a couple years of trying to figure out the future of our family, including many prayers and tears, our prayers have been answered. It is a beautiful feeling.

I didn't want to tell anyone until the baby was, ya know, born, but that's not very practical. I would have to walk around saying, "It's not a tuma, but I don't want to tell you what this huge ball is sticking out of my body, so don't look at me!" all day and that would just get annoying. And it's not that I wasn't dying to tell people, it's just that this pregnancy is. . . different. Not like, "It's a girl!" different, just "high risk" different and I knew people would worry.

After being so sick and blood clotty after Spencer was born, we knew if there was another baby, it would be a totally different kind of pregnancy, and well, we were right. :)

The day I found out I was pregnant, I called the doctor before I called anyone else. Actually they were the only ones I called. They called in my prescription for heparin and then I had to figure out a way I was going to sneak out and get it without telling Gary. (I'll explain later)

Luckily, we had a crazy night with meetings and school things and taking the boys swimming, so I was able to tell a little, white. . . ok, ok. . . a flat-out lie to Gary. I told him some nonsense about having to run music around to people in the stake and it may take a while. I hopped in the car and ran to the pharmacy- half an hour away, as they are the only ones in the valley who carry my blood-thinners - and ran back home. The whole time I was guiltily thinking, "Gary knows I'm pregnant and he knows I'm going to the pharmacy and he's just waiting for me to tell him." It was utterly preposterous, but I knew he knew. . . but I was wrong. I made it home, hid the medicine in the car because everyone had beaten me home and I couldn't sneak six boxes of meds past them. I left the medicine in the car overnight then I sneaked them out of the car the next morning and hid them under the bed while Gary was in the shower, and acted like everything was fine. I must say, I was pretty amazing. Like, Academy Award amazing. I am the queen of medicinal trickery!

Now, I know you're wondering, "Why can't you tell your husband that you're pregnant?!?" No, no, it's not like that! I was only trying to protect him. How could I put him through that again? Not that's it's a guarantee that anything will go wrong, we just know now that it can happen and that changes everything. I just didn't want him to worry and I wanted to handle it by myself and give him a little break, but he'd never buy the whole "tuma" plan, and I knew it.

So, I went about my bidniss, giving myself shots, you know, the usual. Well, not at all usual actually. More like agony. Those first few shots, many tears were shed, accompanied by foot stomps and gritted teeth and gasps of pain. I've always thought I was a champ at pain management and I've never been afraid of needles, but now. . .But, it's gotten better since those first days doing my shots alone and secretively, but it's still not my favorite part of the day. I've even taken to very rarely "accidentally" falling asleep on the couch so I wouldn't have to go upstairs and face those needles. Wimp.

So, I found out I was prego on a Thursday and I finally got around to telling Gary that Sunday. He took it very well, actually. Maybe it was the Sugar Babies I gave him to break the ice and the little card that played "Brahm's Lullaby" when he opened it. It was the hugest relief to have his support and even enthusiasm to help me, and even his fear to validate mine, but knowing that this is so perfectly the answer to our prayers, we didn't dwell on the fear for long at all. And he's not a good actor, so I know he's genuinely happy and we're aaaaalll good.

He couldn't believe that I had gone so long without telling him because I really am an atrocious liar. Later that night we were at my Grandma's and someone was teasing me about my lack of lying skills. Gary said, sort of under his breath, "She's getting better at it." :)

So, I'm about 20 weeks and my ultrasound is on January 19th. Ya want another shocker?!? We're not going to find out what this cute little bundle of joy is. I know, crazy! But, that's how we roll. Or at least it's how we roll this time. :)

So, some people have told me I would be stupid or ungrateful or selfish to have another baby after what happened last time. And I totally understand where they're coming from. But, we had to do what was best for our family and we know that this is it, even if it doesn't seem to make sense. It's perfectly clear to us and it has been a miracle how it's all worked out.

More updates to come! I'm due June 5th, but it may be more like the beginning-ish of May because of the blood-thinners and things. We'll see how it all goes.

The baby says, "kick!" to you.